Dating in this modern era can be hard enough. Add to that the confusing world of online dating apps (and the superficial nature of them), and it’s enough to make some people give up on dating altogether.
Although the dating world has changed a lot from how it was even 10 years ago, a lot of positives have come out of this new dating environment.
In order to reap the benefits of modern dating, you should prepare yourself mentally and emotionally by educating yourself on the biggest red flags in dating.
Red flags are warning signs of behaviours you should never tolerate in a relationship and in a person.
Here are the top 4 red flags to look out for.
Red Flag No.1: They Love Bomb You.
This is a red flag that women in particular fall for a lot. And it can be especially easy to fall for after divorce from a spouse who took you for granted or neglected you.
What is love bombing? Love bombing in simple terms is when someone showers you with attention, compliments or gifts early on in the relationship in order to manipulate you.
Here’s something to remember: if it seems too good to be true, it probably is.
Especially when we are talking about getting too much attention, love and/or gifts early on in dating. Women are vulnerable to falling for this red flag because women often feel love through praise – in fact, our feminine energy grows and thrives through praise. As such, when a man gives too much attention and kind, loving words early on, it feels like he means well.
It feels like good intention.
“He must really love ME”, they think. But if someone seems to give a lot of verbal compliments and attention early on in the dating phase, we have to ask ourselves: “was any of it earned?” And if it wasn’t earned, then is it even real?
That may sound a little harsh, but it’s true. We all earn attention, love and commitment through investing in a relationship with someone and adding value to them. So if we haven’t had to invest in them nor add value to them, then how REAL is their affection, gifts or love towards us?
Red Flag no.2: They Don’t Respect Your Boundaries.
It’s normal for people to push each other’s boundaries when already in a loving relationship (where trust is established).
But during the early stages of dating, it is not normal for someone to disrespect and ignore your boundaries.
Whether that be your boundaries around when you like to be contacted during the day, or boundaries around physical touch.
Someone who is willing to ignore your boundaries early on, is signaling that they do not respect you or think highly of you. If they don’t think highly of you, then what intentions could they possibly have when dating you?
That’s right – none.
In fact, someone disrespecting your boundaries is one of the early signs that they may only be looking for easy sex and attention rather than wanting a real relationship with you.
These kinds of people aren’t usually relationship material and may not even want a relationship with you.
Simply put, they probably want to use you for their own gratification. Whether that be getting attention from you, sex, or even money (yes, there are lots of online scammers and even real life scammers nowadays).
Red Flag no. 3: They Act Impulsively.
Acting on impulse is normal for some humans when it’s every now and then.
However, when someone seems to be impulsive – that’s a red flag indicating that they may be a narcissist.
Narcissists have poor impulse control, and that could spell bigger problems for you in the future if you were to invest in a relationship with them.
What are some examples of narcissistic impulsive behaviour?
– They seem to take any random opportunity to paint a good image of themselves or talk themselves up (and it’s not attuned to the situation at hand). Not only that, but in your gut you doubt whether what they’re saying about themselves is true.
– They engage in sexual activity without any emotional connection or investment in the person. This causes a trail of hurt people and they don’t seem to care about it.
– They show aggression unexpectedly. Some narcissists are unable to control their internal feelings of aggression (and they may have quite a bit of it). So they take it out on unsuspecting people, and try to deny that they are doing anything bad.
Red Flag no.4: You Seem To Always Have To Initiate Contact (and they never do).
We all get busy at times, and cannot reach out to someone. But if you are always the one initiating, then that person is either far too into themselves to bother with you (and are probably too selfish to form a healthy relationship with), or they aren’t actually interested in connecting with you.
As The Feminine Woman writes…
“Initiation of contact should be reciprocal…It’s the most basic thing a man (or woman) can do when conversing with their love interest. The simple act of initiating in return.”
In a real relationship where there is real connection, both people will initiate contact. It doesn’t always have to be equal – but it has to at least feel ‘natural’, and their level of communication should feel to you as though they are investing in you.
There’s nothing worse than always being the one to initiate calls or texts, or plan dates.
Remember: you cannot force someone into a relationship with you. They have to ‘feel it’ for you, and be motivated to initiate contact because they genuinely feel emotional attraction and emotional connection with you.
If they don’t, then at best you will end up in a relationship born out of convenience, and at worst, you’ll end up in a relationship with someone who abuses you or tries to control you.
Conclusion: Top 4 Dating Red Flags:
1: They Love Bomb You.
2: They Don’t Respect Your Boundaries.
3: They Act Impulsively.
4: You Seem To Always Have To Initiate Contact (and they never do).
Also Enjoy: Tips For Dating When You Don’t Have A Lot Of Experience
