Mallory Ortberg’s Top 10 Popular and Famous Quotes

Ten of My Favourite Mallory Ortberg Quotes 

Quotes, who doesn’t love a good quote? This series of articles we look at Top 10 Famous Quotes by Author Mallory Ortberg, author quotes are always a challenge and fun to pick, with Mallory Ortberg you will find my Ten favourites of Mallory Ortberg’s quotes. 

Popular Quotes

“frosting emergencies are just as real as other kinds of emergencies”
― Mallory Ortberg, Texts from Jane Eyre: And Other Conversations with Your Favorite Literary Characters

 “-I taught you Hindi and everything
That’s basically the same as getting engaged for missionaries

-And I really appreciate that
It will be terribly useful in my career as an English governess

-See?
That
There.
that is exactly the kind of tone I mean
One round of cholera in the tropics would sear that sarcasm right out of you

-guess I really missed out

-Guess so”
― Mallory Ortberg, Texts from Jane Eyre: And Other Conversations with Your Favorite Literary Characters

“She could not understand how she was here, when she had never said yes to being brought anywhere. She could not remember speaking to him, much less agreeing. She was beginning to learn the danger of silence, and that someone who wishes to hear a yes will not go out of his way to listen for a no.”
― Mallory Ortberg, The Merry Spinster: Tales of Everyday Horror

 “hang all mysteries the only mystery I want to solve is how much cocaine I can fit in my face the mystery of how much face cocaine I can have that’s the mystery for me”
― Mallory Ortberg, Texts from Jane Eyre: And Other Conversations with Your Favorite Literary Characters

 “I do not have any of even the littlest hard feelings all of my feelings about you are just so soft and so normal just normal soft feelings that you’re going to love”
― Mallory Ortberg, Texts from Jane Eyre: And Other Conversations with Your Favorite Literary Characters

 “when I die I wish to be buried in that Shawl I wish to be buried — in ten Thousand Shawls – you’re not dying you’re just afraid of the stairs”
― Mallory Ortberg, Texts from Jane Eyre: And Other Conversations with Your Favorite Literary Characters

“Perhaps you would not like being married to me,’ Beauty said. ‘I do not know how to talk to people, and I have terrible taste in shirts.”
― Mallory Ortberg, The Merry Spinster: Tales of Everyday Horror

 “why did you turn my friends into pigs i don’t know maybe the real question is why are your friends so turn-into-pigsable”
― Mallory Ortberg, Texts from Jane Eyre: And Other Conversations with Your Favorite Literary Characters

“what is a dream but a series of lies designed to keep us immobilized in a dark room for hours at a time”
― Mallory Ortberg, Texts from Jane Eyre: And Other Conversations with Your Favorite Literary Characters

“I do not welcome Lord Vader quite literally attempting tot shove his religious beliefs down my throat.”
― Mallory Ortberg, From a Certain Point of View

10 Famous Quotes by Author Mallory Ortberg

So there you have it my Ten favourite quotes by Mallory Ortberg, please comment below and share your favourite quotes by the fantastic author Mallory Ortberg.  Furthermore, if you find any Authors not covered for there, top 10 quotes let me know and I will review their works and find some of their best quotes as has been done here for Mallory Ortberg. 

One Final Bonus – Mallory Ortberg Quote 

“-I WOULD BREATHE FOR YOU MY JANE
JANE WHERE HAVE YOU GONE
I AM BEREFT WITHOUT MY JANE
I SHALL SINK INTO ROGUERY

-i am with my cousins

-WHICH COUSIN
IS IT THE SEXY ONE

-Please don’t try to talk to me again

-IS IT YOUR SEXY COUSIN
“ST. JOHN”
WHAT KIND OF NAME IS ST. JOHN

-I’m not going to answer that

-I KNEW IT
DID YOU LEAVE BECAUSE OF MY ATTIC WIFE
IS THAT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT

-yes
Absolutely

-BECAUSE MY HOUSE IN FRANCE DOESN’T EVEN HAVE AN ATTIC
IF THAT’S WHAT YOU WERE WORRIED ABOUT
IT HAS A CELLAR THOUGH SO YOU KNOW
DON’T CROSS ME
HAHA I’M ONLY JOKING”

― Mallory Ortberg, Texts from Jane Eyre: And Other Conversations with Your Favorite Literary Characters

Dave Peterson

Dave Peterson Passion for adventure and sharing his life long journey with as many others as possible. "What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." HENRY S. HASKINS

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