Dav Pilkey’s Top 10 Popular and Famous Quotes

Ten of My Favourite Dav Pilkey Quotes 

Dav Pilkey, a writer whom I am guessing you love? Here are our 10 best Dav Pilkey quotes for you to enjoy. At Australia Unwrapped we believe every book has at least one quotable line, and our mission is to find them all. Here you will find Dav Pilkey’s top 10 popular and famous quotes. Like every good writer Dav Pilkey made a number of memorable quotes, here are some of our favourites: 

Popular Quotes

“two wrongs dont make a right”
― Dav Pilkey, Captain Underpants and the Attack of the Talking Toilets

 “The turkeys were chunky
With smiley, beaked faces,
And they greeted the children
With downy embraces.

So out through the barnyard
They ran and they flew,
And they gobbled and giggled
As friends sometimes do.

Then somebody spotted
An ax by the door,
And she asked Farmer Nuggett
What it was for.

With a blink of his eye
And a twist of his head,
The old farmer told
A grim tale of dread:

“Tonight,” said Mack Nuggett,
“These feathery beasts
Will be chopped up and roasted
For Thanksgiving feasts.”

The children stood still
As tears filled their eyes,
Then they clamored aloud
In a chorus of cries.

“Oh dear,” cried Mack Nuggett,
“Now what shall I do?”
So he dashed to the well,
And the teacher went, too.

And they fetched some water
Fresh from the ground,
In hopes that a swig
Might calm everyone down.

And when they returned
To quiet the matter,
The children were calmer
(And mysteriously fatter!).”
― Dav Pilkey, ‘Twas The Night Before Thanksgiving

“Another piece of Zygo-Gogozizzle 24 ended up landing in a grape vineyard on planet Pinot. The Zygo-Gogozizzle 24 was quickly absorbed into the soil and was subsequently soaked up into the grapes. These grapes, which had until recently been harvested almost to extinction, suddenly became self-aware and super intelligent. They banded together in bunches and rose up to defeat their oppressors. The battle lasted one whole night, but sadly, it ended the next morning when the sun came up. The rebellion shriveled when the poor grapes ran out of juice. Apparently there’s a raisin for everything.”
― Dav Pilkey

 “God bless the rain, and the storm clouds that bring it.
God bless the music, and the voices that sing it.
God bless the ones who sing everything wrong.
God bless the creatures who do not belong.
God bless the hearts and the souls who are grieving
For those who have left, and for those who are leaving.
God bless each perishing body and mind,
God bless all creatures remaining behind.
God bless the dreamers whose dreams have awoken.
God bless the lovers whose hearts have been broken.
God bless each soul that is tortured and taunted,
God bless all creatures alone and unwanted.”
― Dav Pilkey

 “Gee, that worked out pretty good,” said Harold. “…I guess everything worked out perfectly!”
“Yeah, nice going,” said George, looking a bit annoyed. “Why do you have to say things like that?”
“Things like what?” asked Harold.
“Haven’t you been paying attention in these stories?” asked George. “Every time somebody says something like that, it always means that a buncha bad stuff is just about to happen.”
“But what could possibly go wrong now?” asked Harold.
“FREEZE!” shouted the Chief of Police. “You guys are under arrest!”
― Dav Pilkey, Captain Underpants and the Preposterous Plight of the Purple Potty People

 “What happened at the end of our last story is something called misdirection. It’s what happens when you are led to believe that something is true, but in reality it’s not true at all. Misdirection happens a lot in real life- especially in politics, history, education, medicine, marketing, science, religion, and the Oprah Winfrey Network.”
― Dav Pilkey, Captain Underpants and the Revolting Revenge of the Radioactive Robo-Boxers

“You may have even commented on the surprising inappropriateness of such a murderous and bloody scene appearing in a children’s book. It’s fun to feel offended, isn’t it?”
― Dav Pilkey, Captain Underpants and the Revolting Revenge of the Radioactive Robo-Boxers

 “George and Harold were usually responsible kids. Whenever anything bad happened, George and Harold were usually responsible.”
― Dav Pilkey, The Adventures of Captain Underpants

“Never trust anyone, Daniel, especially the people you admire. Those are the ones who will make you suffer the worst blows.”
― Dav Pilkey, Kat Kong

“Have you read your UNDERPANTS today?”
― Dav Pilkey

10 Famous Quotes by Author Dav Pilkey

Quotes for all, here you found our selection of 10 Dav Pilkey quotes. Make sure you help by commenting your best Dav Pilkey quote below and sharing our favourite authors so we can look them up, read some of their works and give you the best quotes we can find. We hope you enjoyed our top 10 quotes by Dav Pilkey. However, feel free to comment below if you disagree or would like to include some other great and memorable Dav Pilkey quotes in our list. 

One Final Bonus – Dav Pilkey Quote 

“It’s been said that adults spend the first two years of their children’s lives trying to make them walk and talk, and the next sixteen years trying to get them to sit down and shut up.
It’s the same way with potty training: Most adults spend the first few years of a child’s life cheerfully discussing pee and poopies, and how important it is to learn to put your pee-pee and poo-poo in the potty like big people do.
But once children have mastered the art of toilet training, they are immeadiately forbidden to ever talk about poop, pee, toilets and other bathroom-related subjects again. Such things are now considered rude and vulgar, and are no longer rewarded with praise and cookies and juice boxes.
One day you’re a superstar because you pooped in the toilet like a big boy, and the next day you’re sitting in the principal’s office because you said the word “poopy” in American History class (which, if you ask me, is the perfect place to say that word).”
― Dav Pilkey, Captain Underpants and the Preposterous Plight of the Purple Potty People

Dave Peterson

Dave Peterson Passion for adventure and sharing his life long journey with as many others as possible. "What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." HENRY S. HASKINS

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