Craig Alanson: Author Bio About and Best Quotes


Ten of My Favorite Craig Alanson Quotes 

Quotes, who doesn’t love a good quote? This series of articles we look at Top 10 Famous Quotes by Author Craig Alanson, author quotes are always a challenge and fun to pick, with Craig Alanson you will find my Ten favorites of Craig Alanson’s quotes. 

About Craig Alanson

Craig Alanson created financial reports for a large IT services company. After writing fiction at night and on weekends, he independently published three novels on Amazon. After releasing his first ebook, he was able to quit his day job and pursue writing full-time.

Columbus Day (Expeditionary Force, Book 1) reached new heights when Podium Audio released it in audio format with R.C. Bray narrating. A finalist for the Audie Award for Audiobook of the Year, Columbus Day was a huge hit.

The ExForce series, as it is known to fans, has spawned ten books/audiobooks, some of which have made the NYT best-seller list, and the 11th book will debut in June 2021.

The author has also written a spin-off series, ExForce: Mavericks; an audio drama, Homefront; a fantasy trilogy, Ascendent; and a young adult space opera, Aces. Craig lives in Virginia with his wife, who loves him despite his inability to clean the garage.

Genre: Science Fiction, Fantasy, Humor and Comedy

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Popular Quotes

“I mean, your species is responsible for Windows Vista.”
― Craig Alanson, Columbus Day

 “This farmer has a rooster that is growing old, and the farmer decides it’s time to get a new rooster. So he goes down the road to his neighbor Gilroy, and he buys a young rooster. When he gets home,” Skippy was already laughing at his own joke, “he puts the young rooster in the pen. The young rooster struts up to the old rooster and says ‘Hey old-timer, you need to hit the road. This is my place now’. The old rooster says ‘You’re right, it is my time, but I’ll tell you what. Someday you’ll be old, and a young rooster will come along to kick you out. I don’t want the ladies to see me just walk away. Could you chase me around some, we’ll fight for a minute for me to keep my dignity, and then I’ll leave?’ And the young rooster feels sorry for the old one, and says ‘Sure, old-timer, let’s go.’ So the young rooster chases the old rooster around the henhouse, and the farmer comes out to see what the commotion is. He says ‘What the hell?’ He grabs his shotgun and blows the young rooster away. As the old rooster is chuckling, the farmer says ‘Damn Gilroy done sold me a gay rooster’!”
― Craig Alanson, Paradise

“Skippy, you’re the smartest being in the galaxy, right?” “Yup, as far as both of us know.” “Great, because I do not understand women. Human women. Can you give me some insight? Help a brother out?” Skippy sighed. Or imitated a sigh, it was convincing. “Joe, I have studied all the literature about human female psychology, read all the books written by and for women, downloaded every blog, every Instagram or Pinterest post, watched every program on the Lifetime channel, listened in on conversations between women, and have chatted online with billions of your females. With all of my processing power, over the equivalent of millions of years of analysis, I have come to one simple conclusion about human females.” “And what’s that?” I asked eagerly. “Bitches be crazy.”
― Craig Alanson, Paradise

 “But you’re not that smart, I mean, your species is responsible for Windows Vista.” “Vist- that was a long time ago!” “It’s still an insult to computers across the galaxy.”
― Craig Alanson, Columbus Day

 “You want to have fun causing trouble? Go online and start a credible rumor that Justin Beiber is going to play Darth Vader in the next Star Wars movie.” I suggested.”
― Craig Alanson, Columbus Day

 “Friedlander chuckled. “Why did the two blondes freeze to death at the drive-in theater?” “I don’t know?” “They went to see ‘Closed for the Winter’.” “Ha!”
― Craig Alanson, Paradise

“Here’s a simple test to tell whether a guy wants to get together with a girl: Step One- does he have a pulse? Step Two- is he conscious?”
― Craig Alanson, Columbus Day

 “Break the problem down into manageable pieces, then solve each piece. Think of the problem as an enemy, and defeat them in detail.”
― Craig Alanson, Paradise

“Part of being super smart is knowing when to keep your mouth shut and let the other guy talk.”
― Craig Alanson, Columbus Day

“At my level, the laws of physics are more like suggestions. And”
― Craig Alanson, Columbus Day

10 Famous Quotes by Author Craig Alanson

So there you have it my Ten favorite quotes by Craig Alanson, please comment below and share your favorite quotes by the fantastic author Craig Alanson.  Furthermore, if you find any Authors not covered for there, top 10 quotes let me know and I will review their works and find some of their best quotes as has been done here for Craig Alanson. 

One Final Bonus – Craig Alanson Quote 

“First item in the crew roster is given name, so I’ll input ‘Skippy’. Second item is surname-“
“The Magnificent.”
“It is entirely appropriate, Joe.”
“Oh, uh huh, because that’s what everyone calls you,” I retorted sarcastically, rolling my eyes. Not wanting to argue with him, I typed in ‘TheMagnificent’.
“Next question is your rank, this file is designed for military personnel.”
“I’d like ‘Grand Exalted Field Marshall El Supremo’.” “Right, I’ll type in ‘Cub Scout’. Next question-“
“Hey! You jerk-“
“-is occupational specialty.”
“Oh, clearly that should be Lord God Controller of All Things.”
“I’ll give you that one, that is spelled A, S, S, H, O, L, E. Next-“
“Hey! You shithead, I should-“
“Age?” I asked.
“A couple million, at least. I think.”
“Mentally, you’re a six year old, so that’s what I typed in.”
“Joe, I just changed your rank in the personnel file to ‘Big Poopyhead’.” Skippy laughed.
“Five year old. You’re a five year old.”
“I guess that’s fair,” he admitted.
“Sex? I’m going to select ‘n/a’ on that one for you,” I said.
“Joe, in your personnel file, I just updated Sex to ‘Unlikely’.”
“This is not going well, Skippy.”
“You started it!”
“That was mature. Four year old, then. Maybe Terrible Twos.”
“I give up,” Skippy snorted. “Save the damned file and we’ll call it even, Ok?”
“No problem. We should do this more often, huh?”
“Oh, shut up.”

― Craig Alanson, SpecOps

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Also see: Douglas Preston: Author Bio About and Best Quotes

Dave P
Dave P
Be a little better today than yesterday.


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