Too Good to Leave Too Bad to Stay: Book Review
What I liked the most about the book– Definitely a good and helpful book for understanding a relationship. The author has discussed and analysed in a wonderful narration.
The author coins the term relationship ambivalence. So what is this term, and what does this imply? When either of the partner in a relationship feels goodness and badness, both. In such a situation s distance appears between the two partners. In such a situation, a sort of confusion mists the relationship. To arrive at any conclusion, one must go back in memory and ask fee questions with oneself. Analysing one’s past life regarding the relationship would answer many questions. If in a situation when things were right in the last, there are fair chances of staying close. But the things were not in moral order; then there is no point in staying together. The simple test to define and analyse an unsatisfactory situation to survive is to understand the elemental discord in the relationship. One needs to ponder whether there was any violence, primarily physical, in the relationship. If the answer is affirmative, then departing is the only solution. Physical abuse puts an end to any relationship.
The best way to find out and fix things depends on one’s actions and not on words. In a situation, if one has made up the mind to leave one’s partner, then just hanging around is not good.
The author earns and advises about feelings. Feelings are important. One must take care. One must be sure that emotions are transparent and do not create any mysterious aura in the relationship.
The author shifts to another dimension. If the partners still have some common positive trait left with them, then there is hope in the future of getting close. It is not just stating closer, but both the partners must think in longer perspective like having children and their future too matters. So ultimately, it is love that matters.
The author suggests a straightforward litmus test to find out the relationship. If either of the partner show power play to another partner then it is not good.
Another dimension is the humiliation factor or having no transparency in the relationship. Hence in such a situation, the partner being humiliated must leave for better.
Yet another prognosis is about communication. If either of the partners put blocks in the contact, then it is advisable to move apart.
In a relationship between man and wife, physical intimacy counts a lot. If either of the partners has stopped physical touch in any situation, then the problem is alarming, and it is advisable to leave such a relationship. If the partner gets attracted to their partner, the association is good.
Mutual respect is a significant factor for staying together. It is a great motivator factor and can make the relationship working positively.