10 Random Funny Jokes About Shopping – Non Woke Jokes

Short Hilarious Random Jokes

Ready for a laugh? I have collected from around the internet some of the funniest random jokes on Shopping. See below 10 side spitting (or not) jokes on shopping.

Shopping Joke 1

“Marks and Spencers has announced they are in financial trouble. They have merged with Poundstretcher.
They will now be known as Stretch Marks.”

Shopping Joke 2

“Just had an email from Sainsbury’s with the subject “”Did you know you could be going to the Paralympic Games?””
Is this because I went to Waitrose yesterday? Who’s running Sainsbury’s now, the Kray twins?”

Shopping Joke 3

“Welcome to your IKEA interview.
Please build yourself a chair and sit down.”

Shopping Joke 4

“A woman was in town on a shopping trip. She began her day finding the most perfect shoes in the first shop and a beautiful dress on sale in the second. In the third, everything had just been reduced by 50 percent, when her mobile phone rang.
It was a female doctor notifying her that her husband had just been in a terrible car accident and was in critical condition and in the ICU.
The woman told the doctor to inform her husband where she was and that she’d be there as soon as possible. As she hung up she realized she was leaving what was shaping up to be her best day ever in the
She decided to get in a couple of more shops before heading to the hospital.
She ended up shopping the rest of the morning, finishing her trip with a cup of coffee and a beautiful chocolate cake slice, compliments of the last shop.
She was jubilant.
Then she remembered her husband. Feeling guilty, she dashed to the hospital.
She saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about her husband’s condition.
The lady doctor glared at her and shouted, “”You went ahead and finished your shopping trip didn’t you! I hope you’re proud of yourself!
While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself in town, your husband has been languishing in the Intensive Care Unit! It’s just as well you went ahead and finished, because it will more than
likely be the last shopping trip you ever take! For the rest of his life he will require round-the-clock care. And he will now be your career!””
The woman was feeling so guilty she broke down and sobbed.
The lady doctor then chuckled and said, “”I’m just pulling your leg…
…He’s dead. Show me what you bought.”””

Shopping Joke 5

“I’ve been done. Just been to DFS and bought a sofa.
Turns out it’s their normal price month.”

Shopping Joke 6

“Have you heard, Tesco are employing more midgets than any one else?
Every Little Helps”

Shopping Joke 7

“I find the saying ‘you are what you eat’ true.
My ex-missus shops at Lidl, for instance, and she’s cheap, easy and you don’t really want people to know you’ve been there.”

Shopping Joke 8

“I had a job in a supermarket once, handing out samples for people to try.
I got asked to leave though, after the “”little cups of bleach”” incident.”

Shopping Joke 9

“My wife was ill so I had to do the shopping for the first time ever. She said, “”You’ll need a shopping trolley. They’re outside by the entrance. You have to put a pound in to release them.””
I went to the entrance, put my pound in, and pushed it into the store.
I got some funny looks, but I enjoyed hearing Postman Pat’s theme tune as I pushed his van round the shop.”

Shopping Joke 10

“My wife hates me going shopping with her ’cause I always put stuff we don’t need in the trolley.
Last time it was two teenage school girls.”

Jokes on Shopping

Share your best shopping joke below.

Also See: 10 Random Funny Jokes About Social-Networks – Non Woke Humour

Kelly W
Kelly W
Dream big, play hard, take the wins and embrace the losses.
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