10 Random Funny Jokes About Family – Non Woke Jokes

Short Hilarious Random Jokes

Ready for a laugh? I have collected from around the internet some of the funniest random jokes on Family. See below 10 side spitting (or not) jokes on family.

Family Joke 1

“I’m going to take a picture of my firstborn and use age progression software to figure out what he’ll look like when he’s 16.
Then I’m going to frame the picture and keep it as a centerpiece in our house,
something he’ll grow up looking at.
Then when the appropriate time comes,
he will realize that the picture is actually of him,
Then I am going to try and convince him that he is a time traveler.”

Family Joke 2

“On the sofa with my wife last night:
Me: Honey, you remind me of an onion.
Wife: Because I have so many layers to my personality?
Me: No…
Wife: Oh, OK, something stupid like you’ll cry when you slice me up?
Me: No…
Wife: OK, OK, you’d prefer it if I was battered?
Me: No…
Wife: You either love me or hate me? I’m good in small doses? I can be overpowering?…
Me: No…
Wife: Oh, alright, why then?
Me: You smell of onion.”

Family Joke 3

“My daughter accused me of being a bad father. I don’t know how she can say that…
…she’s hardly ever met me.”

Family Joke 4

“When a man holds a car door open for his wife…
…it’s either a new car or a new wife.”

Family Joke 5

“My daughter’s school teacher rang me today.
“”Young Sarah didn’t turn up for school today?”” he said.
“”I know, her mother died yesterday,”” I replied. “”So she won’t be back for a while.””
“”Sorry to hear that,”” he sighed. “”How’s she getting on?””
“”Very well,”” I replied. “”She’s on her third lot of laundry and has already prepared dinner.”””

Family Joke 6

“My Grandad always said, “”Don’t watch your money; watch your health.”” So one day, while I was watching my health, someone stole my money.
It was my Grandad.”

Family Joke 7

“When my older brother and I were little we were always playing Robin Hood. Only thing was, he was always Robin Hood and I had to be Little John.
After a while I got sick of this and told him I wasn’t playing any more.
“”Ok”” he said. “”We’ll play a different game and you can be Robin.””
“”Brilliant”” I said. “”Who are you gonna be?””
“”Batman”” he said.”

Family Joke 8

“I hate it when couples have a little argument and the girlfriend changes her Facebook status to ‘single’.
I mean, I have arguments with my parents all the time, you don’t see me changing my status to ‘orphan’.”

Family Joke 9

“Why do men fart more than women?
Because women won’t shut up long enough to build up the pressure.”

Family Joke 10

“It was the first day of school and the teacher was asking the little boy about his family.
“”And what does your Daddy do?””
“”He’s a magician.””
“”That must be exciting”” What tricks can he do?””
“”He can saw people in half.””
“”That is clever. And, tell me, do you have any brothers or sisters?””
“”Yes, one half-brother and two-half sisters.”””

Jokes on Family

Share your best family joke below.

Also See: 10 Random Funny Jokes About Exercise – Woke Jokes Cancelled

Kelly W
Kelly W
Dream big, play hard, take the wins and embrace the losses.
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