10 Random Funny Jokes About Children – No Woke Jokes Allowed

Short Hilarious Random Jokes

Ready for a laugh? I have collected from around the internet some of the funniest random jokes on Children. See below 10 side spitting (or not) jokes on children.

Children Joke 1

“Not got children? Hire a babysitter anyway, say the kid is asleep upstairs and not to be woken.
When you get home later that evening, go mental and ask where the child has gone.”

Children Joke 2

“A guy asks his girl friend to marry him and she says yes, so he buys her a new car – a Lamborghini Countach – she loves this car and she goes everywhere in it.
One day, she picks up her kids from school. She’s got a boy and a girl. As she’s driving down the road, a car pulls up in front of her and they have a really nasty accident and she falls into a coma. When she wakes up from the coma there is a doctor next to her and she quickly asks doctor, “”Where is my son? He was really good at football, he could have played for England and been better than Beckham.””
The doctor replies, “”I’m so sorry, in the accident he lost his leg he won’t be able to kick a football any more.””
The woman asks about her daughter. “”Doctor, where is my daughter? She was really good at tennis and she could have been the best in the world and won at Wimbledon.””
The doctor says, “”Sorry but in the accident she lost her arms and she won’t be able to pick up a racket any more.””
She begins to cry.
“”Doctor,”” asks the woman, “”how long have I been in this coma?””
The doctor replies, “”Six months.””
“”So what’s the date?”” asks the woman.
“”April 1st,”” says the doctor.
The woman begins to laugh “”So you were joking then, were you?””
Doctor: “”YES… they both died on impact.”””

Children Joke 3

“I felt like a fool when I bought Amy Winehouse tickets for my daughter and then remembered that she died last year.
Even more so when I remembered that Amy Winehouse died too.”

Children Joke 4

“The other day my six-year-old son said: “”When I grow up, I want to get the highest score on Sickipedia.””
I said: “”You can’t do both.”””

Children Joke 5

“My young daughter asked me this morning, “”Daddy, what were you and Mummy doing in the bedroom last night? I could hear a buzzing noise, then Mummy started to scream.””
“”Nothing, darling,”” I replied.
It was then I burst out laughing as my wife walked down the stairs with her half-shaved head.”

Children Joke 6

“””One man’s rubbish is another man’s treasure,”” is an awesome phrase.
But it’s a horrible way to tell your kid they’re adopted.”

Children Joke 7

“Me and my wife have different ways to discipline our kids. She threatens them by saying, “”Just wait until your father gets home.””
I say, “”Just wait until your mother goes out.”””

Children  Joke 8

“We put our kids to sleep by tossing them in the air.
Of course, you have to have low ceilings for this method to work.”

Children Joke 9

“I couldn’t get to sleep last night. There were loud noises outside, and I kept tossing and turning, but I just couldn’t get comfortable, I was hot, then freezing, then itchy, it was unbearable.
Then I thought of the children in Haiti who have been forced to sleep on what’s left of their streets..
And then I thought, great, now I have an erection to add to my list of distractions.”

Children Joke 10

“When I was a kid my budgie died, so my mum went out and bought an identical replacement, hoping I wouldn’t realize.
But I did and I killed that one too.”

Jokes on Children

Share your best children joke below.

Also See: 10 Random Funny Jokes About Childish – Jokes that Ain’t Woke

Kelly W
Kelly W
Dream big, play hard, take the wins and embrace the losses.


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