Short Funny Jokes in English
Ready for a laugh? I have collected from around the internet some of the funniest jokes on advice. See below 10 side spitting (or not) jokes on advice.
Advice Joke 1
“I need some advice on what could be a life changing decision.
I’ve suspected for some time now that my Mrs has been having an affair. The usual signs. Phone rings, I answer, someone hangs up. She started going out ‘with the girls’ a lot recently although when I ask which girls it is always “”Just some friends from work, you don’t know them””. I always look out for her taxi coming home but she always walks down the drive although I can hear a car setting off. As if she has got out of the car round the corner. Why? Is it not a taxi? I once picked her mobile up just to see what time it was and she went beserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her.
Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my Mrs. I think deep down I just didn’t want to know the truth but last night she went out again and I decided to check on her. I decided I was going to hide behind my car which would give me a view of the whole street so I could see which car she gets out of. It was whilst crouched behind my car that I noticed rust around my rear wheel arch.
Should I take it into a body repair shop or should I buy some stuff from Halfords and try to repair it myself?
Advice Joke 2
“Give a man a fire and you keep him warm for a day.
Set a man on fire and you keep him warm for the rest of his life!”
Advice Joke 3
“HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN…
spend money on her,
wine & dine her,
buy things for her,
listen to her,
care for her,
stand by her,
go to the ends of the earth for her….
HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN…
show up naked,
Advice Joke 4
“I went for a job interview.
“”Where would you like to see yourself in five years time?”” he asked me.
I thought and said, “”Suspended on full pay.”””
Advice Joke 5
If a police officer pulls you over, do not tell him/her, “”I find you very attractive…and that’s not just the booze talking!”””
Advice Joke 6
BUS DRIVERS. If you see an attractive woman with a low cut top at the bus stop, accelerate and come to a halt 50 feet past the stop. You will then have a great view in your nearside mirror as she runs towards you. Finally, accidentally drop her change for a second look.
Advice Joke 7
“Wife came back from the hospital in a right state.
Said shed been diagnosed with a lump in her breast.
I sat her down and told her how when I get lumps in my porridge it narks me no end as well.
I went on to say the situation could be much serious, like she could have lost her keys for instance.
At that moment she burst uncontrollably into tears.
I think it was the sense of perspective Id given her, then a huge relief just flooding its way out. I nodded sagaciously.
I might try this counselling lark as a career move, its a piece of cake.”
Advice Joke 8
Go down the pub so you don’t feel guilty watching your wife do all the housework.”
Advice Joke 9
“My old Dad always said, “”Lift with your legs””.
I find it easier to use my arms.”
Advice Joke 10
“I’ve been trying to teach my son the importance of honesty.
Today when I came home I discovered that he had found my nail gun and destroyed my entire vinyl collection.
I went up to his room and asked him if he knew who did it.
“”It was me, dad.”” He replied.
“”Good son, and do you know why I’m not going to punish you?””
“”Because I’m still holding your nail gun.”””
Jokes on Advice
Share your best advice joke below.